Character Traits of a Good Husband, Episode 5, Fight For Your Family

 

8 Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. I Peter 5:8

               For a while, I served as the S-4, or logistics officer, in a Signal Battalion. I was responsible for all the supplies needed to operate the battalion. I was also responsible for the Cooks, Fuelers, and Electronic Maintenance Facility. Even when we had the battalion “fun” day, I found myself responsible for transporting a huge grill to the picnic area. One of my subordinates and I were hitching the giant grill trailer to the back of my pickup. The Battalion Commander wandered past and watched as we backed up my truck and sorted out the details of hitching it up.

“You know,” he said, “I’m glad you gentlemen are handling this. You look like the kind of men that can solve problems and find solutions with good results.”

I always have wondered what about me looked like a capable man, but I did enjoy the compliment. Every man that I know likes to think of themselves as capable, ready to meet any situation that should arise. No one wants to be the guy who doesn’t know what to do. In fact, all of us “capable” men will jump in with a solution even if we’ve never faced that problem at hand. It is hard-wired as they say into our mental make-up. And more importantly, our wives need us to be confident.

They need to know that we’re not passive about our families, that we are willing to engage in the fight for them. There was a time when men needed to be able to pick up the nearest weapon and fight off ner-do-wells in defense of hearth and home. Today, however, most of us rarely face such physical struggles. Instead, we must learn to fight for our families in the realms of time, influence, emotional and spiritual well-being.

¹² For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:12

The forces arrayed against our marriages and families are not the evil men lurking behind the bushes in our front yard, though we do need to watch out for those. They are those forces which come between us and our loved ones; things that steal our time. We and our wives, indeed our families, inhabit a noisy world, one in which many different things clamor for our attention. How often do we sacrifice our families on the alter of endless scrolling through our favorite social media.

⁴ “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. ⁵ You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. ⁶ And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. ⁷ You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. Deuteronomy 6:4-7

God intended for fathers to make time to be with their children to teach and influence them. Satan knows this and actively works against us. One of the easiest ways he does this is through influencing our time management practices. Vices and temptations have not changed, only the medium through which they captivate our minds. When I was young, I often heard the phrase “golf-widow,” or “sports-widow.” News junkies existed back then as well. Growing up, I knew many men who insisted on coming home from work, watching the national news on ABC, NBC, or CBS followed up by local news. They would then sit down at the dinner table and peruse the evening newspaper. Once dessert was done, they plopped down into their easy chair and spent the evening watching TV. They followed this up with the local news at ten or eleven. All of this with a few short exchanges with their wife or children. You see not much has really changed.

               The question you and I face is, will we fight to give our families our undivided attention? We must fight through the morass of input, turn off the TV, silence our cell-phone, and put away the game control. The temptation is strong. Some of the things are fine and good. We ought to be well-informed individuals; but, must we sacrifice our families? Some men engage in hobbies. Our hobbies are fine. Sadly, some of us use our hobbies as a shield or retreating place. Often, we slip into habits and practices that consume significant amounts of time without meaning to.

¹⁵ Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, ¹⁶ making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. ¹⁷ Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. Ephesians 5:15-17

We need to make the best use of our time. As a teacher, I often observed fathers that spent all of their free time running their kids back and forth to a numerous activities. Their kids were busy with all manner of enrichment activities but impoverished in meaningful relationship. Our wives need us to take the lead in helping decide which activities are most useful. We must fight the fight of the clock to make our relationships work in a Godly fashion. Others of us use work as our safe place, justifying the time spent as beneficial to our families. We incorrectly assume that money in the bank outweighs physical presence. While we must ensure that we provide for our families, we must remember that our presence outweighs presents. Our presence enables us to engage in the other two battle fronts.

³ For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. ⁴ For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. II Corinthians 10:3-4

               You and I must, absolutely must, remember that we fight our battle primarily in the spiritual realm. We must gird up our mental loins to engage in protecting our families from the various malign influences that come against them daily. Satan attacks our loved ones through our culture. Blind acceptance of our cultural norms puts our wives and children at great spiritual risk. You and I should screen the things we let our families consume. This takes courage and dedication. At times we stand in the gap, saying, “This shall not pass.” Just because others let their children consume movies, TV shows, music, and other media does not make it acceptable. It is hard to hold the line, but we must. We also need to make sure that we screen our own media intake. Our families see what we consume, and while there are shows that are acceptable for you and me and not our children, we must be careful not to establish a double standard. This also applies to when we allow our children to use smart phones and other digital devices. We should not fall into the trap of letting our children spend too much time with a digital baby-sitter. Our children will push back, often complaining bitterly, but this is when we put on our “big-boy” pants and act as the adult in the room. When we set the example through lovingly enforced appropriate standards, we help our children build habits that will serve them well later in life. These habits will help them maintain spiritual and emotional well-being.

²² A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:22

               You and I set the spiritual tone for our household. We largely determine the emotional state for our family. Our world regularly attacks our families, especially our wives, daughters, and teenagers in general. They need us to exert a positive influence. I’m not talking about a hollow, saccharine, rah-rah, cheerleader type of encouragement. I’m talking about the kind of spiritual and emotional support that helps them sort through the tough thorny issues of life. They need to know that when the world batters them, they come home to a safe place where you help them bind up their wounds. Encourage them in those down moments. Help them understand that even when things look dark, when they do not go their way, they usually get better. Share with them how things unfolded well in your own life.   And especially when they fail or make a serious mistake, help them understand that our Lord is quick to forgive. Remind them of this passage.

⁸ I will cleanse them from all the guilt of their sin against me, and I will forgive all the guilt of their sin and rebellion against me. Jeremiah 33:8

And as part of this, make sure that you are quick to forgive. As husbands and fathers, we set the standard. Our willingness to rapidly forgive reflects the Lord. Remember that He quickly forgives us when we fail. Come alongside your wives and children. Support them in their time of need. There may be consequences for poor behavior, but withholding our love and support should never be one of those consequences. We must stand as a bulwark, supporting our wives and children against the stresses and turmoil of modern life. Let our anger swiftly come to an end and the refreshing rain of forgiveness bring forth new growth. Satan wants us to focus on guilt and discouragement. Led by the Lord, you and I fight against this.

               Ultimately, you and I fight against satan’s attacks on our families. Our wives, and children, need to feel secure in this. They need to know that you will fight for them, and unlike so many disengaged men who sit idly by watching their families struggle, flounder, and ultimately collapse in ruin, we, are as we say in the Army, hip deep in hand grenade pins and putting rounds down-range. Just them knowing that we are there for them fighting on their behalf changes the dynamic from one of malaise to one of encouragement and strength. Fight for your wives and children. They are worth it. That’s what God made you to do. Live into it.

 

Thought Questions:

1.      When you are not at work, what do you do with your time?

2.     If you have children, what kind of media do they consume?

3.     Do you consider yourself a positive person in times of crisis?

4.     How do you build up your wife when she is facing a personal crisis?

5.     When was the last time you and your wife had a meaningful conversation?