Discipleship Part 2 Not Alone

 

¹⁷ Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17 English Standard Version

               Popular culture paints the romantic picture of a man facing his destiny brave and alone, carving out his future and place with courage and pluck. Those of us who grew up in the American Southwest especially like the image of the solitary cowboy or pioneer wresting his fortune from a hostile landscape. Think of those old “Marlboro Man” commercials. Despite the fact that in reality snipers work in teams, the popular image of a solitary sniper bravely navigating the battlefield remains. No matter what our culture says, men were not made to face this life alone. In Genesis, God tells us how He feels about solitude.

¹⁸ Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” Genesis 2:18

While this passage introduces the creation of females, it is important to note that God did not consider aloneness the ideal option for men. In fact, we desperately need community, and not just the community of marriage. We need the fellowship of good male friends. In his seminal book, “The Four Loves,” C. S. Lewis describes male friendship this way, “Friendship ... is born at the moment when one man says to another "What! You too? I thought that no one but myself…” He goes on to say, “Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art.... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.” Perhaps the reason we do not value friendship in modern American culture is the easy way we throw the word around. We casually label others as friends; when in fact, they are merely acquaintances. Unlike in America in other countries and cultures, a man may have only one or two friends in a lifetime.

               I remember coming across a packet of letters as I perused my grandfather's belongings after he died. He’d served in the China-Burma-India theater of operations during WW II, building the Ledo Road and flying supplies across “The Hump,” as the Himalayas were affectionately known. He’d become friends with an Indian with whom he’d survived combat, and they had remained close friends for years after the war. As I read through the correspondence, I heard one side of a deeply personal conversation. Now, not all the letters were about deep personal issues. In fact, most of them were rather prosaic, filled with the daily concerns men share, concerns of family, work, relations, politics, and sports. In this case the Indian man wrote about Cricket. I could only see one side of the conversation; but, almost every letter included a desire to meet again and spend time together. My Grandfather never spoke of this relationship, but he kept all the letters. Evidently the friendship meant a great deal to him and his Indian friend. As Christian men, we need each other. We do not function well alone. I want to look at three reasons why we need the fellowship of Christian men: education, encouragement, and accountability.

Education: The world throws many challenges our way. Work, family, future, and other issues fly at us, often at a dizzying rate. Given the complexity of our modern existence, understanding the issues and making an informed spiritual decision is quite difficult at best. Scripture encourages us to come together and help each other through the, often impenetrable,  morass of choices we face.

²⁰ Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future. Proverbs 19:20

The writer of Proverbs encourages us to listen to what our brothers say and accept their instruction. It is not explicitly stated in the passage, but in the ancient Near East the idea was that this instruction comes from older brothers who’ve already walked with the Lord. Rubbing shoulders with more experienced men helps us navigate the tumultuous waters of this existence. Thoughtful and timely advice, given from experience, helps us avoid rocks and shoals that so often ruin lives and families. But learning from others is not the only benefit we get from our fellow Christian men. Our fellow disciples build us up.

               Encouragement: Not matter how we try, life throws us curves and every once in a while, we get beaned, and it hurts. Jesus warned us about this.

³³ “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

None of us get through life without facing discouraging situations. Sometimes we don’t get the promotion we think we deserve or need. Sometimes we lose our jobs completely. Sickness and death come our way. Friends and loved ones fail us. The list goes on and on, things that satan uses to batter and discourage us. That’s when we need each other. When we find ourselves in those dark moments of life, having a good brother who’s already walked the path helps. They encourage us in ways that others cannot. We need our brothers to come alongside us and help us. Paul speaks of this.

¹¹ Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing. I Thessalonians 5:11

Our fellowship with other Christian men makes us stronger. It helps us get through the tough times we all inevitably face. Trouble comes, how we deal with it is the question. Fellow brothers help us deal with the problems in a manly and Christ-like fashion.

² Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2

Our brothers help us carry the load. We cannot bear all the burdens of life on our own. Sometimes, we need others to help carry our rucksack. Walking alone will crush us, often leading to complete moral collapse. Additionally, our brothers help us by speaking to us honestly about our decisions.

Accountability: At times, we need each other to speak truth into our lives. During a sad part of my life, I engaged in despicable activities. A friend of long standing turned to me one day and asked, “Matt, do you still consider yourself a Christian?”

               Those were blunt, hard words to hear; but, I needed to hear them. As I remember that moment, I mumbled some sort of mealy-mouthed answer. I was shocked and dismayed that he would ask me that, but his words sank in deeply. He’d pointed out a distressing fact, my actions were not the actions of a Godly man. It took a while for me to deal with those problems in my life, time, a lot of prayer, and the Godly counsel of a good friend. We remain friends today even though we live over a thousand miles apart. He was there when I needed him. He lived out the passage in Proverbs which says,

⁶ Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy. Proverbs 27:6

He cared enough for me to risk rupturing our friendship. He saw the path that I was heading down, and bravely acted. That is what a Christian brother does.

               Having casual acquaintances does not help one navigate the problems of this life, but scripture says that friendship brings something more to the table. Biblically speaking, friendship provides help and strength absent in casual acquaintances. When things go badly, we find out who our real friends are. They are those who remain with us. Friendship weathers the tough times. This does not mean that friends only say things we want to hear. A true friend provides faithful counsel. A true friend helps us become the kind of man God intends. That is why we desperately need each other. With good friends we can live into this passage.

¹⁵ Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ…” Ephesians 4:15

 

Thought questions:

1.      Where do you find your closest friends?

2.     How would you define friendship?

3.     Do you have more worldly friends or more Christian friends and why?

4.     What keeps you from hanging out with other disciples?

5.     What issues or situations are in your life that you could use help with?